I have been pondering the issues of the heart a lot over the past few months, and I have had many conversations with loved ones and even strangers about heart issues lately. It's amazing how what is on our minds is brought up multiple times by other people, and it is continued as I am approaching the end of the book Journey of Desire by John Eldridge.
There is a simple truth we so often avoid: we were created for joy and were given hearts to feel and desire. We avoid this because it's not always "safe" to admit that. We associate desire with "worldly things"... yet this is faulty thinking. It's what we do with desire that turns it from Holy to unholy. The Creator gives us our hearts and puts desire in our hearts. John Eldridge even points out in Chapter 10 of Journey of Desire page 169, "As a rule, most of us live far from our hearts. We need to be much more acquainted with them. We need to know what we want."
Desire is not a bad thing... Where we get in trouble is trying to find fulfillment of our desires on things of this world. We ultimately desire Him deeply, yet we desperately grab for other things besides Him to fulfill that desire. He is the one our hearts are yearning for, and it's a deep, deep yearning. He instilled in us a desire for joy and we run around sometimes like mice in a maze trying to find something in which we can fulfill that desire... yet outside of Him, the heart honestly can not find it. Addictions, sex, money, power, approval--- the heart not find complete fulfillment there... Even the best and most fervent loves we share with people won't fulfill it completely, and He wants us to love others. He delights in the love between a man and a woman, since He created it for our joy. Yet while still good and holy, and even symbolic of the picture of Christ and His bride (us), love between a man and a woman still can't replace the ultimate need of our hearts... So then what? God wants our attention. He knows that's what our hearts need most, to pay attention to Him.
"When we don't look for God as our true life, our desire for Him spills over into our other desires, giving them an ultimacy and urgency they were never intended to bear. We become desperate, grasping and arranging and worrying over all kinds of things, and once we get them, they end up ruling us. It's the difference between wants and needs. All we truly need is God."... -John Eldridge, Journey of Desire in Chapter 10, page 176
What does this mean? The fact is: our hearts desire. What are we really wanting, past the surface? Him... God knows this and tells us to guard our hearts. It's not to keep our hearts from feeling fun, happiness, and joy--- guarding our hearts means being mindful of things that will destroy our hearts and keep us from living how we were created. Let us guard our hearts so our hearts can love better, deeper. We need to flee from sin and pour into Grace. When the world fails us, when things fail us, when people hurt us, when the things we chase after fail us, hurt us, and leave us unsatisfied, let's follow our deep heart cries to Him. He calls us to align ourselves with Him, and in Him, let the rest of our desires He has given us to fall into their proper place. Then we are called to go out into the world to tell others about the Love we know. Many people need to know about this love offered. People who don't know God desire, too... They need to know what they desire, deep down.
So my friends... what do you desire?
(By the way, everyone should read this book by John Eldridge....)
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Desires Of Our Hearts: What To Do With Them, Part 2
In 1577, my favorite poem ever was written. It was beautifully crafted from a heart's cry that echoes into this day. Whenever I read these words, my own heart pumps in agreement. I desire to live this way... What should we do with dreams and desires of our hearts? I think this author boldly wrote the answer long ago.
"Disturb us, Lord,
When we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
With the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life
We have ceased our dreams of eternity,
And in our efforts to build a new earth
We have allowed our vision
Of the new heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where loosing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love."
~Attributed to Sir Francis Drake, 1577
Dream. Live. Dare. Go boldly to answer God's calling. Stay thirsty for Him... To do without is like a ship in a sea of doldrums.
"Disturb us, Lord,
When we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
With the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life
We have ceased our dreams of eternity,
And in our efforts to build a new earth
We have allowed our vision
Of the new heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where loosing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love."
~Attributed to Sir Francis Drake, 1577
Dream. Live. Dare. Go boldly to answer God's calling. Stay thirsty for Him... To do without is like a ship in a sea of doldrums.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Desires of Our Hearts: What To Do With Them?
"The only fatal error is to pretend that we have found the life we prize. To mistake the water hole for the sea. To settle for the same old thing." ~John Eldridge from Journey to Desire
I have been going through Journey to Desire by John Eldridge. In the book, he deals with what to do with the desires of our hearts in our lives. Do we bury dreams or chase them? Since we live in a fallen world, our dreams are harder to completely obtain, and many times we do without reaching our fullest dreams. Our hearts ache and yearn for something, and that something is called more. We were created for wholeness but since The Fall when we lost Eden, we cannot reach that wholeness here on earth. Yet our God as He loves us still beckons us to push for our goals, to reach for the desires of our hearts while being in His will.
In the book, Eldridge asks over and over again "Do we dare?"... In a life that seems to continuously disappoint us when our dreams aren't reached, how do we cope? Let's face it: people let us down. We get injured. A relationship is broken off. Death happens. We don't get the job... When we're on the road to chasing dreams but obstacles keep standing in the way or slowing us down, how do we handle ourselves? Do we still dare to dream? Do we dare to trust and chase? Do we dare keep our hearts alive?
Personally, I've had dreams that have been knocked down and shaken, and it's a dare to keep dreams alive when the outcome isn't certain. It's a dare to walk the unknown journey.
To kill desire and to cease dreaming is like killing our hearts, which is not what our God wants for us. He is a passionate God who created us to live out passionate lives. He created us to desire wholeness, which is part of the beauty of His saving love, as we can never fully attain that wholeness without being with Him... We will never gain that 100% wholeness here on this earth since it is a fallen world. Greater things are coming when we're face to face with our Lord, which gives us hope. Yet here on this earth in this time, we must still hold on to dreams.
Eldridge posts something by Langston Hughes within the book's pages:
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. ("Dreams")
Keep your heart alive. Allow yourself the boldness to chase after the desires of your heart. Dare to dream.... and read Journey to Desire by John Eldridge. :)
I have been going through Journey to Desire by John Eldridge. In the book, he deals with what to do with the desires of our hearts in our lives. Do we bury dreams or chase them? Since we live in a fallen world, our dreams are harder to completely obtain, and many times we do without reaching our fullest dreams. Our hearts ache and yearn for something, and that something is called more. We were created for wholeness but since The Fall when we lost Eden, we cannot reach that wholeness here on earth. Yet our God as He loves us still beckons us to push for our goals, to reach for the desires of our hearts while being in His will.
In the book, Eldridge asks over and over again "Do we dare?"... In a life that seems to continuously disappoint us when our dreams aren't reached, how do we cope? Let's face it: people let us down. We get injured. A relationship is broken off. Death happens. We don't get the job... When we're on the road to chasing dreams but obstacles keep standing in the way or slowing us down, how do we handle ourselves? Do we still dare to dream? Do we dare to trust and chase? Do we dare keep our hearts alive?
Personally, I've had dreams that have been knocked down and shaken, and it's a dare to keep dreams alive when the outcome isn't certain. It's a dare to walk the unknown journey.
To kill desire and to cease dreaming is like killing our hearts, which is not what our God wants for us. He is a passionate God who created us to live out passionate lives. He created us to desire wholeness, which is part of the beauty of His saving love, as we can never fully attain that wholeness without being with Him... We will never gain that 100% wholeness here on this earth since it is a fallen world. Greater things are coming when we're face to face with our Lord, which gives us hope. Yet here on this earth in this time, we must still hold on to dreams.
Eldridge posts something by Langston Hughes within the book's pages:
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. ("Dreams")
Keep your heart alive. Allow yourself the boldness to chase after the desires of your heart. Dare to dream.... and read Journey to Desire by John Eldridge. :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Confessions of A 21-year old Drama Queen
The title is well-suited. I am currently 21, an age I don't announce often, and I am a Drama Queen. Why have I kept my age hidden until now? Somehow I'd convinced myself that in order to be successful as a person, business person, whatever the heck I try to be, that being young is somehow inferior in a world of older professionals. That is a lie and I love truth. This thought process is about to change. I found myself thinking recently that I must celebrate youth and stop being such an age snob.
Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity. ~1 Timothy 4:12
So "Drama Queen"... I don't like that title, and I'm not proud of it at all, but this blog entry is about honesty and telling it like it is, so I'm not going to sugarcoat the problem. Drama Queen... (ouch.) So here comes the real confession time of what has happened to me the past 6 months. It is not pretty. Brace yourself as I brace myself to lay down my pride.
I have become sick. It started in October when I decided to rearrange my career ideals a bit and somehow I became so wrapped up in my goals I lost myself. The mind is a strange thing... I started suffering spiritually, mentally, and physically. I stressed out, always running to the next job, studying, making "to-do lists"... I was striving so hard to please others and to be proud of myself that I literally started wasting away... I lost a lot of weight, and people started asking if I was okay. My hair started falling out in big chunks. I had tension in my neck and shoulders, so I was in pain often. Many begged me to go to the doctor, but I was too stubborn. And my ridiculous process continued and quickly worsened. It was like I was killing myself slowly.
As I'm admitting this, I have tears in my eyes. I want others to know, to be warned, and I want to beg them not to do what I did. I had withered away to 107 lbs. As a 5 ft 7", athletic dancer, that is WAY to little! I remember the first time I saw how tiny my body had become. I looked in the mirror one day while I was teaching ballet, and it's like my eyes were opened to reality. My muscles had gone away, bones were sticking out, and it hurt to dance. My JOB hurt! My passion for dance withered away because physically it had become too stressful on my fragile body. I continued working as a dance instructor, but slowly rehearsing my own dreams at the studio became more of a chore than a desire. Even with my Illusion learning, I suffered. What started out as something I just wanted to do quickly became something I felt I HAD to do, like just another item on the "to do list". When I lost passion for my goals, FEAR possessed me. I did not know what I was doing, and was afraid I wouldn't figure it out. It was a deadening... a limbo of sorts. Questions haunted me and I felt close to worthless. My mentors and my family became extremely worried as they saw me metaphorically drowning, because I still was very thin and wasn't gaining weight, though I tried desperately to gain. The pounds simply wouldn't come back, and my hair had thinned considerably. Chronic fatigue set in. Headaches pushed into my skull everyday. Pain in my neck made itself more prominent, an obvious injury... Depression settled in, and pressure to pursue my dreams only drove me deeper into a hole.
Answers and Dealing With Truth:
To sum this up: stress, pride, and an injury was the cause of the past few months being so dark. I am under treatment with Dr. Josh Axe of Exodus Health Center, and already I am feeling better. Mentally, I am chilling for now, focusing on my Lord, Who makes the darkness come to light. As my body is healing itself, I'm focusing on healing my mind... Stress that is self-inflicted is dangerous. As I rid that monster out of me, it is a bittersweet time. I am making myself take a sabbatical, a welcome break. I hurt, I cry, and for the first time in a while, I'm allowing myself to feel those emotions without masquerading them. I still dream but I am just being in the present, enjoying the lifted spirit I am getting back.
Hope is returning. My passion for dance and teaching is returning. I just want to tell others not to do what I did, especially young adults and teens. Society already puts enough pressure on us, and we don't need to add anything on ourselves. Yes, doctors found a neck injury and a Vitamin D deficiency that is being corrected, but I could have handled my mind a lot better. Making unrealistic demands on myself is not what my God called me into. He specifically told me to be FREE and tell others to be free. The chains I have been putting on myself to be perfect and successful had made me a hypocrite and disobedient to His calling on my life. For this I am so sorry... to my Lord, to my friends, to my family. I say "No more". I have a message, a voice, and it needs to be heard. I will not allow my own junk to silence this voice anymore. I am healing. :)
If you are reading this, please don't do what I did. You don't have to be perfect. Success is not all it's measured to be, especially if it makes you sick! Pursue dreams, chase your goals, but know your strengths, your bounds. Push, but don't break. Learn the balance of being the best you can be without demanding unrealistic ideals upon yourself... I am learning this and am re-creating my life to be shaped in a new priority fashion.
Much love, in peace...
Lindsey
Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity. ~1 Timothy 4:12
So "Drama Queen"... I don't like that title, and I'm not proud of it at all, but this blog entry is about honesty and telling it like it is, so I'm not going to sugarcoat the problem. Drama Queen... (ouch.) So here comes the real confession time of what has happened to me the past 6 months. It is not pretty. Brace yourself as I brace myself to lay down my pride.
I have become sick. It started in October when I decided to rearrange my career ideals a bit and somehow I became so wrapped up in my goals I lost myself. The mind is a strange thing... I started suffering spiritually, mentally, and physically. I stressed out, always running to the next job, studying, making "to-do lists"... I was striving so hard to please others and to be proud of myself that I literally started wasting away... I lost a lot of weight, and people started asking if I was okay. My hair started falling out in big chunks. I had tension in my neck and shoulders, so I was in pain often. Many begged me to go to the doctor, but I was too stubborn. And my ridiculous process continued and quickly worsened. It was like I was killing myself slowly.
As I'm admitting this, I have tears in my eyes. I want others to know, to be warned, and I want to beg them not to do what I did. I had withered away to 107 lbs. As a 5 ft 7", athletic dancer, that is WAY to little! I remember the first time I saw how tiny my body had become. I looked in the mirror one day while I was teaching ballet, and it's like my eyes were opened to reality. My muscles had gone away, bones were sticking out, and it hurt to dance. My JOB hurt! My passion for dance withered away because physically it had become too stressful on my fragile body. I continued working as a dance instructor, but slowly rehearsing my own dreams at the studio became more of a chore than a desire. Even with my Illusion learning, I suffered. What started out as something I just wanted to do quickly became something I felt I HAD to do, like just another item on the "to do list". When I lost passion for my goals, FEAR possessed me. I did not know what I was doing, and was afraid I wouldn't figure it out. It was a deadening... a limbo of sorts. Questions haunted me and I felt close to worthless. My mentors and my family became extremely worried as they saw me metaphorically drowning, because I still was very thin and wasn't gaining weight, though I tried desperately to gain. The pounds simply wouldn't come back, and my hair had thinned considerably. Chronic fatigue set in. Headaches pushed into my skull everyday. Pain in my neck made itself more prominent, an obvious injury... Depression settled in, and pressure to pursue my dreams only drove me deeper into a hole.
Answers and Dealing With Truth:
To sum this up: stress, pride, and an injury was the cause of the past few months being so dark. I am under treatment with Dr. Josh Axe of Exodus Health Center, and already I am feeling better. Mentally, I am chilling for now, focusing on my Lord, Who makes the darkness come to light. As my body is healing itself, I'm focusing on healing my mind... Stress that is self-inflicted is dangerous. As I rid that monster out of me, it is a bittersweet time. I am making myself take a sabbatical, a welcome break. I hurt, I cry, and for the first time in a while, I'm allowing myself to feel those emotions without masquerading them. I still dream but I am just being in the present, enjoying the lifted spirit I am getting back.
Hope is returning. My passion for dance and teaching is returning. I just want to tell others not to do what I did, especially young adults and teens. Society already puts enough pressure on us, and we don't need to add anything on ourselves. Yes, doctors found a neck injury and a Vitamin D deficiency that is being corrected, but I could have handled my mind a lot better. Making unrealistic demands on myself is not what my God called me into. He specifically told me to be FREE and tell others to be free. The chains I have been putting on myself to be perfect and successful had made me a hypocrite and disobedient to His calling on my life. For this I am so sorry... to my Lord, to my friends, to my family. I say "No more". I have a message, a voice, and it needs to be heard. I will not allow my own junk to silence this voice anymore. I am healing. :)
If you are reading this, please don't do what I did. You don't have to be perfect. Success is not all it's measured to be, especially if it makes you sick! Pursue dreams, chase your goals, but know your strengths, your bounds. Push, but don't break. Learn the balance of being the best you can be without demanding unrealistic ideals upon yourself... I am learning this and am re-creating my life to be shaped in a new priority fashion.
Much love, in peace...
Lindsey
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Hungry
It's a funny thing when we just can't get enough of what we want. For example, I've eaten my share today and now look at me, sitting here at my computer fighting the urge to go rip open some pure dark chocolate amazingness that's sitting in the next room... Under usual circumstances I'd go ahead and go for it, except I've already had too much chocolate today. Epic misery.
Moving on... The thing that gets really interesting is when the soul can't get enough to eat. That deep soul hunger, searching for more. More. More. Is it ever fully satisfied? As much as we search and take in, does that "I'm-still-not-full" feeling ever end? It won't, at least not in life as we know it here below.
I am so hungry for more of the essence of the Bread of Life and wisdom. I long to find those magical glasses to place over my eyes to see things more in the way He does. How much more colorful would life look then? How much more simple and complex? I long to see the pages of wisdom and understanding fully revealed. While I'm here, it's a process of growing and searching that leads to more... Which is frustrating at times when I know I can only see part of the galaxy when He holds the full macrocosm in His hands. When I think I'm getting closer to knowing more, I open my eyes and see how little I really know. Sometimes I am struck at how small I am, and it hits me on the head. Humility hits, then wonder. Awe.
I love the journey of searching and becoming. In the search to know more, there is peace that while I see in the mirror dimly, one day soon I shall see face to face. Now... I'm thinking I'm going to give in to that chocolate calling my name in the next room. Later.
Moving on... The thing that gets really interesting is when the soul can't get enough to eat. That deep soul hunger, searching for more. More. More. Is it ever fully satisfied? As much as we search and take in, does that "I'm-still-not-full" feeling ever end? It won't, at least not in life as we know it here below.
I am so hungry for more of the essence of the Bread of Life and wisdom. I long to find those magical glasses to place over my eyes to see things more in the way He does. How much more colorful would life look then? How much more simple and complex? I long to see the pages of wisdom and understanding fully revealed. While I'm here, it's a process of growing and searching that leads to more... Which is frustrating at times when I know I can only see part of the galaxy when He holds the full macrocosm in His hands. When I think I'm getting closer to knowing more, I open my eyes and see how little I really know. Sometimes I am struck at how small I am, and it hits me on the head. Humility hits, then wonder. Awe.
I love the journey of searching and becoming. In the search to know more, there is peace that while I see in the mirror dimly, one day soon I shall see face to face. Now... I'm thinking I'm going to give in to that chocolate calling my name in the next room. Later.
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