Tell-Tale Sign Of A Church: The Women's Bathroom?

Let me state my case. Maybe the title made you curious and maybe you think I'm crazy at this point, but read on. Because of the lifestyle I had growing up, I saw many churches and many types of churches. I performed in several and also traveled with my dad a bit (he's a speaker/evangelist). Maybe you have seen many churches, too. If so, you probably know this: after a while, you start feeling a vibe, and can quickly come to conclusions about each church. Some ways to do this are obvious, others aren't. But I have discovered one way that is a bit unorthodox. If you are a woman or girl, you will probably understand this. See if you can find yourself in this scenario:

You're new to a church, or just visiting for your first time, and after being welcomed by greeters, you realize you have to go. You find the women's bathroom, being sure not to go into the wrong one (you know, still trying to make a good impression or whatever), and if it's a larger church, you might wait in line... This is where it can happen. Once you have entered into this room, the stares and glances turn your direction. You immediately feel like an outsider when you felt fine out in the church hallway. Now that you're in here, you feel like Daniel in the lion's den. Your eyes scan the room as you begin to understand the situation around you. Women come out of stalls, and with down-cast eyes, turn to the sink to wash their hands and fix their hair/makeup. They might check out the woman next to them... you know, to make sure she is either not a threat, or if she is, to search for something wrong with her (especially true in single groups, because that girl might have her eye on a certain dude running around in the hall outside)... They might check out what you're wearing. You're not feeling welcomed, but you feel strange being in a closed room without speaking to someone, so you turn to the girl next to you and say something funny as you laugh, hoping it's an ice-breaker... she just glares at you and scoffs loftily. You've been shut down, and are thankful when the next stall opens and fly into it: the sooner you can get out of here, the better.

Does this scene sound familiar to you? While it's a bit comical, this scenario was not made up: it happened to me at a large church in my hometown. Actually, I have found this scenario true in many churches unfortunately. The church might seem cool, but I say you don't really know a church until you walk into the women's bathroom and find out how you're treated. Sometimes, you really can tell a church by the way the women's bathroom scenario plays out. If you're treated well and not snubbed to death like you're the dead mouse that cat just drug in, then perhaps that's a good sign the church is friendly and emotionally safe.... and well, if you feel like an outsider of a club and/or feel like the icy stares make Antarctica seem warm, it's a pretty good guess you've walked into an unfriendly, perhaps emotionally unsafe church.

My question is: why do women feel like they can be catty and it not be wrong? Even at church? A woman can be so rude in the women's bathroom and go out and lead worship with a God-honoring smile on her face... Huh? I have a really hard time with this. It confuses me, and frankly, this is another reason why I have seen so many churches because once I see something like this, I usually move on quickly. Many churches are just not friendly, and I have a hard time staying in a place that makes me feel like I'm in a danger-zone just for existing. This has happened to me on many occasions, but I'm not new to the church scene. I can just imagine how a new-comer into the whole church scene feels when this happens. It's confusing because they see hypocrisy. Isn't church supposed to be better than this? Yes. Isn't the body of believers in the Church supposed to love each other? Yes. Is the women's bathroom at church the best place to make friends? Probably not because that's a bit awkward, but come on---at least we can be nice. In all seriousness, when women are shut off in their own room, away from the men, sometimes their true colors come out. What color do we want to show? What color do we want to show the searching new-comer? What color do we want to show each other? Do we show that we are cold and and threatening, or warm and loving? With the rest of society and the world watching what we do, we must be more careful how our actions carry out. People notice little things, and little things can change minds forever.

So one thing we can all know from this: the women's bathroom just might be what's hurting your church, or someone else. Something to consider...