We live in a world where the answer to the common question, "how are you" is almost always so predictably said, "Good---you?" We all do it. It is what is expected. It is professional. Imagine getting costumer service and you asked how the professional was doing and they answered, "I've had the worst day. In fact my whole life is a mess right now, and I'd really rather not be at work talking you. " We would scoff and say this person is unprofessional, when actually they only told you the honest answer to the question you asked.
It is also easier: easier on both the listener and the proclaimer. My husband said a few weeks ago about how he is curious to know when people ask how he's doing if they are wanting the full story about his week or are they just expecting a quick, easy answer: "Good." We are fast-paced Americans, and we take the easiest, shortest way out in communication. The scary part is that while all this is happening, masks are on and our pain and anger are buried. Yes, we bury it. An alternative doctor told me something a couple months ago that kicked me on a journey to healing some really deep emotional wounds. He said that I am a "very emotionally charged lady", and I feel angry and need to express an opinion or two, yet I bury that emotion straight down to my organs. And many do this. Can you imagine what can happen to an angry liver after a while? Or an angry kidney? (Let's be adults and not mention what could happen to an angry colon.) We all have have pain that needs to be healed. It is an unavoidable fact of living.
Yet we have another, perhaps bigger problem. If we believe we will be judged, scolded, or misunderstood for our pain---instead of bringing it to the surface to release it--- we hide it and our bodies take the brunt of fighting it. Babies don't do this. They scream and kick when something bothers them, yet when they are older we tell them to calm down, to cut it out. Yet what are we training them to do? Are we training the child to bury what is bothering them and pretend it doesn't exist, or are we training them to manage their problem? That is a huge difference in how we handle our own problems: deny or manage.
Another problem we have, which is another form of burying, is denying the significance of what hurts us. Someone very wise told me once to never make the mistake in assuming that other people's painful story is greater and more significant than my own pain, which was quite opposite to what I was taught growing up in society. If we look at our neighbor and think they have been through worse than us, so therefore we should "suck it up and go on like nothing happened", we have robbed ourselves the joy of being set free. It is like a proud captain of a ship hearing from one of his men that there is hole below deck with water pouring in and the captain saying, "never mind that. We will be fine," and all the while the boat is sinking slowly. "Well," we think, "he must be an idiot to ignore a warning like that," yet in real life we ignore warnings our own hearts give us. We are keeping ourselves from healing by not acknowledging, understanding, and releasing our pain. This becomes very dangerous, because somewhere deep inside is a fear-based emotion, and fear is not a healing agent at all. We must love ourselves enough to not bury our pain, to not hide our hurts.
I am not only writing to an audience, but also to myself. I have hurts that I buried and it turned to anger, and I realized where anger rests there is a fear that the hurt will happen again. I did not acknowledge this overnight. It took time, understanding, talking to people, and reading to understand it existed in me. So what route will I take to get rid of it? The "Denial Route" or what I call the "AURM Route"? The route that does not heal but pretends the problem isn't there, or the route that does heal but takes more work? I am choosing the "AURM", a word I made up for the healing process: Acknowledge the hurt, Understand the hurt, Release the hurt, Manage whatever is left over, even if that means repeating the process. For me, this also means the process of working through a lot of forgiveness.
What would our society look like if we were honest about how we truly were doing? The honesty I mention goes beyond what we tell other people. but also very much what we tell ourselves. It sounds terrifying, doesn't it? It sounds exhausting. It sounds like being more responsible. It sounds like healing instead of wasting time being miserable. As de Mello would say, it sounds like "Waking up".
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, December 9, 2011
New Freedoms, Part One
Lately it seems like I've had one realization after another. One is that I realized that I have a bad attitude about Christmas and need to stop being a scrooge. (My dear John can give account to that realization.) So this Christmas season, I'm tuning in to what Christmas is really about. However, while this was a big step, a bigger one came still, and this one hurt much more than the former. This realization unlocked a memory that I had blocked. The actual memory, I remembered, but the emotional part that of the memory, I had blocked out and not dealt with until recently.
Like any sort of moment of awareness, the sting of the realization came and suddenly memories swept in that I had not considered as a big deal before, but suddenly were placed where they belonged. I remembered not the specific memories, but I remembered the details I had shut out and how they had at the time made me feel... It happened to me as a young girl, and later as a teen, in a situation I didn't understand, and it happened in a Christian setting, specifically in a smaller group of people. I had taken my feelings and bottled them. I had taken hurt and turned it to distrust. Distrust turned into fear, which has made me hide for years.
Eureka!
You may be wondering if I was abused somehow. The answer is no to sexual/physical abuse, yet emotionally and spiritually there was still some damage that I prevented from healing by not recognizing its impact.... until now. I had to get here by looking into a deep, dusty place in my heart that is rarely used or looked at. It hurt to go there, but after was beautiful relief. I had found a big missing piece of a puzzle, and this piece answered my question "why?"... With the puzzle piece getting put it place, it made the picture start to make more sense, as opposed to an awkward gap of unknown. Suddenly, my anxiety in some social situations made sense and I also understood more of where my sense of worth was affected. I also understood how it was even potentially affecting my work, my job, my career.... I had to realize the impact of what happened to me, why it was still important and how it was holding me back in fear, and then let it go. I feel different already. This will take some work, but I'm more than willing to heal, rearrange, and thrive.
If we let it happen, we are all beauty from ashes and we are stories being redeemed.... His story.
Like any sort of moment of awareness, the sting of the realization came and suddenly memories swept in that I had not considered as a big deal before, but suddenly were placed where they belonged. I remembered not the specific memories, but I remembered the details I had shut out and how they had at the time made me feel... It happened to me as a young girl, and later as a teen, in a situation I didn't understand, and it happened in a Christian setting, specifically in a smaller group of people. I had taken my feelings and bottled them. I had taken hurt and turned it to distrust. Distrust turned into fear, which has made me hide for years.
Eureka!
You may be wondering if I was abused somehow. The answer is no to sexual/physical abuse, yet emotionally and spiritually there was still some damage that I prevented from healing by not recognizing its impact.... until now. I had to get here by looking into a deep, dusty place in my heart that is rarely used or looked at. It hurt to go there, but after was beautiful relief. I had found a big missing piece of a puzzle, and this piece answered my question "why?"... With the puzzle piece getting put it place, it made the picture start to make more sense, as opposed to an awkward gap of unknown. Suddenly, my anxiety in some social situations made sense and I also understood more of where my sense of worth was affected. I also understood how it was even potentially affecting my work, my job, my career.... I had to realize the impact of what happened to me, why it was still important and how it was holding me back in fear, and then let it go. I feel different already. This will take some work, but I'm more than willing to heal, rearrange, and thrive.
If we let it happen, we are all beauty from ashes and we are stories being redeemed.... His story.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Hamster Wheels and Taunting Time
Tonight, I am taking a moment... A rare one, I'm ashamed to admit, in which I am just sitting in complete silence, merely soaking in and reflecting. In these silent moments I have now, I breathe in deeply and realize I don't take enough silent moments. I may have times where a break comes but I do not take enough time to be silent... to listen.... to clear my head. I have been in a habit lately, one I realize now is self-destructive, of being in a moment where I have potential for silence, but my brain is rapidly thinking of the next thing to do.
I pause: it is almost eerie, as if time itself taunts me, mocks me, as if it can feel me wishing I used my time wiser, or perhaps with more potential. I imagine an incandescent messenger telling me I should use my time better. Perhaps this incadescent messenger is my phone or possibly the computer screen in front of me, both showing a digital face with numbers staring back at me... Both reminders of time.
Why do I do this? Is it to run from what I may learn in a moment of silence? What is the fear of growth when it can only make me better, stronger, more efficient for the life I have and will have? Or is it fear of missing out on something? What sense does this really make when I'm missing out on an important factor of human existence? Pausing. And not just any pausing: listening and searching.
Without pausing, the mind I'm convinced can run like a hamster on a wheel. I'm reminded of the nasty hamster I had as a kid, named Georgie. Her cage stayed in my room during the day, but at night she would get moved to the bathroom because if not moved out, the clank clank clank of her wheel would keep me awake at night. (How seemingly perfect for my hamster analogy.) Our minds, like my hamster Georgie's wheel in the wee hours of the morning can go round and round and round, going, going, going, going... Fine for a hamster, yet self-destructive for humans who need to let their brains, and minds, rest.
In this moment, I'm getting off the hamster wheel and making better use of this quiet moment. I need to do this more often. I might miss out otherwise...
I pause: it is almost eerie, as if time itself taunts me, mocks me, as if it can feel me wishing I used my time wiser, or perhaps with more potential. I imagine an incandescent messenger telling me I should use my time better. Perhaps this incadescent messenger is my phone or possibly the computer screen in front of me, both showing a digital face with numbers staring back at me... Both reminders of time.
Why do I do this? Is it to run from what I may learn in a moment of silence? What is the fear of growth when it can only make me better, stronger, more efficient for the life I have and will have? Or is it fear of missing out on something? What sense does this really make when I'm missing out on an important factor of human existence? Pausing. And not just any pausing: listening and searching.
Without pausing, the mind I'm convinced can run like a hamster on a wheel. I'm reminded of the nasty hamster I had as a kid, named Georgie. Her cage stayed in my room during the day, but at night she would get moved to the bathroom because if not moved out, the clank clank clank of her wheel would keep me awake at night. (How seemingly perfect for my hamster analogy.) Our minds, like my hamster Georgie's wheel in the wee hours of the morning can go round and round and round, going, going, going, going... Fine for a hamster, yet self-destructive for humans who need to let their brains, and minds, rest.
In this moment, I'm getting off the hamster wheel and making better use of this quiet moment. I need to do this more often. I might miss out otherwise...
Friday, September 16, 2011
Our Deepest Heart's Cry
I have been pondering the issues of the heart a lot over the past few months, and I have had many conversations with loved ones and even strangers about heart issues lately. It's amazing how what is on our minds is brought up multiple times by other people, and it is continued as I am approaching the end of the book Journey of Desire by John Eldridge.
There is a simple truth we so often avoid: we were created for joy and were given hearts to feel and desire. We avoid this because it's not always "safe" to admit that. We associate desire with "worldly things"... yet this is faulty thinking. It's what we do with desire that turns it from Holy to unholy. The Creator gives us our hearts and puts desire in our hearts. John Eldridge even points out in Chapter 10 of Journey of Desire page 169, "As a rule, most of us live far from our hearts. We need to be much more acquainted with them. We need to know what we want."
Desire is not a bad thing... Where we get in trouble is trying to find fulfillment of our desires on things of this world. We ultimately desire Him deeply, yet we desperately grab for other things besides Him to fulfill that desire. He is the one our hearts are yearning for, and it's a deep, deep yearning. He instilled in us a desire for joy and we run around sometimes like mice in a maze trying to find something in which we can fulfill that desire... yet outside of Him, the heart honestly can not find it. Addictions, sex, money, power, approval--- the heart not find complete fulfillment there... Even the best and most fervent loves we share with people won't fulfill it completely, and He wants us to love others. He delights in the love between a man and a woman, since He created it for our joy. Yet while still good and holy, and even symbolic of the picture of Christ and His bride (us), love between a man and a woman still can't replace the ultimate need of our hearts... So then what? God wants our attention. He knows that's what our hearts need most, to pay attention to Him.
"When we don't look for God as our true life, our desire for Him spills over into our other desires, giving them an ultimacy and urgency they were never intended to bear. We become desperate, grasping and arranging and worrying over all kinds of things, and once we get them, they end up ruling us. It's the difference between wants and needs. All we truly need is God."... -John Eldridge, Journey of Desire in Chapter 10, page 176
What does this mean? The fact is: our hearts desire. What are we really wanting, past the surface? Him... God knows this and tells us to guard our hearts. It's not to keep our hearts from feeling fun, happiness, and joy--- guarding our hearts means being mindful of things that will destroy our hearts and keep us from living how we were created. Let us guard our hearts so our hearts can love better, deeper. We need to flee from sin and pour into Grace. When the world fails us, when things fail us, when people hurt us, when the things we chase after fail us, hurt us, and leave us unsatisfied, let's follow our deep heart cries to Him. He calls us to align ourselves with Him, and in Him, let the rest of our desires He has given us to fall into their proper place. Then we are called to go out into the world to tell others about the Love we know. Many people need to know about this love offered. People who don't know God desire, too... They need to know what they desire, deep down.
So my friends... what do you desire?
(By the way, everyone should read this book by John Eldridge....)
There is a simple truth we so often avoid: we were created for joy and were given hearts to feel and desire. We avoid this because it's not always "safe" to admit that. We associate desire with "worldly things"... yet this is faulty thinking. It's what we do with desire that turns it from Holy to unholy. The Creator gives us our hearts and puts desire in our hearts. John Eldridge even points out in Chapter 10 of Journey of Desire page 169, "As a rule, most of us live far from our hearts. We need to be much more acquainted with them. We need to know what we want."
Desire is not a bad thing... Where we get in trouble is trying to find fulfillment of our desires on things of this world. We ultimately desire Him deeply, yet we desperately grab for other things besides Him to fulfill that desire. He is the one our hearts are yearning for, and it's a deep, deep yearning. He instilled in us a desire for joy and we run around sometimes like mice in a maze trying to find something in which we can fulfill that desire... yet outside of Him, the heart honestly can not find it. Addictions, sex, money, power, approval--- the heart not find complete fulfillment there... Even the best and most fervent loves we share with people won't fulfill it completely, and He wants us to love others. He delights in the love between a man and a woman, since He created it for our joy. Yet while still good and holy, and even symbolic of the picture of Christ and His bride (us), love between a man and a woman still can't replace the ultimate need of our hearts... So then what? God wants our attention. He knows that's what our hearts need most, to pay attention to Him.
"When we don't look for God as our true life, our desire for Him spills over into our other desires, giving them an ultimacy and urgency they were never intended to bear. We become desperate, grasping and arranging and worrying over all kinds of things, and once we get them, they end up ruling us. It's the difference between wants and needs. All we truly need is God."... -John Eldridge, Journey of Desire in Chapter 10, page 176
What does this mean? The fact is: our hearts desire. What are we really wanting, past the surface? Him... God knows this and tells us to guard our hearts. It's not to keep our hearts from feeling fun, happiness, and joy--- guarding our hearts means being mindful of things that will destroy our hearts and keep us from living how we were created. Let us guard our hearts so our hearts can love better, deeper. We need to flee from sin and pour into Grace. When the world fails us, when things fail us, when people hurt us, when the things we chase after fail us, hurt us, and leave us unsatisfied, let's follow our deep heart cries to Him. He calls us to align ourselves with Him, and in Him, let the rest of our desires He has given us to fall into their proper place. Then we are called to go out into the world to tell others about the Love we know. Many people need to know about this love offered. People who don't know God desire, too... They need to know what they desire, deep down.
So my friends... what do you desire?
(By the way, everyone should read this book by John Eldridge....)
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Root of Indecisiveness
I recently took a personality test and scored very low in the area of Decisiveness, the ability to make decisions. As I thought of this, I realized how often I mule over and over-think things when I have to make a tough choice. I over-analize, second-guess, critique my decision in the end.
Why do I do this?
As I asked myself this, I realized the root of this problem. It's that little monster deep inside me that makes himself known in little ways, yet still he digs his claws enough to be noticed. The Fear monster... Dang it! As I thought I was getting rid of him, I realize he still lives in there, in my heart still safe in his little comfy home. I imagine he's probably soaking in his hot tub now, the little dufus, sipping on champagne, not knowing what's coming next for him. I'm going to make the next few weeks a bumpy ride for him in there. I want him out.
What would life look like if we could live completely without fear? For me, I know I could make decisions faster if I wasn't afraid of the outcome. When faced with a choice, I think, "What if I make the wrong move?" Okay. So what if? What if? What if?... My mistake will add an imperfection, yet I can trust it will be used somehow in my story for the better. I'm learning to say this when faced with a tough choice, "Muscle past Fear, go with the gut, and don't look back."
Perfect Love casts out Fear...
"Where Strength dwells, Fear cannot abide."
This is something God and I have talked through so many times. He is weeding it out of my life. When God uproots deep things from our hearts, it hurts, yet the outcome is more beautiful than we can imagine. I know this is worth it. Already I can see the outcome. He is making me more whole, He is making me stronger, more courageous. I pray for courage. I pray for courage for others. It is key to freedom.
Why do I do this?
As I asked myself this, I realized the root of this problem. It's that little monster deep inside me that makes himself known in little ways, yet still he digs his claws enough to be noticed. The Fear monster... Dang it! As I thought I was getting rid of him, I realize he still lives in there, in my heart still safe in his little comfy home. I imagine he's probably soaking in his hot tub now, the little dufus, sipping on champagne, not knowing what's coming next for him. I'm going to make the next few weeks a bumpy ride for him in there. I want him out.
What would life look like if we could live completely without fear? For me, I know I could make decisions faster if I wasn't afraid of the outcome. When faced with a choice, I think, "What if I make the wrong move?" Okay. So what if? What if? What if?... My mistake will add an imperfection, yet I can trust it will be used somehow in my story for the better. I'm learning to say this when faced with a tough choice, "Muscle past Fear, go with the gut, and don't look back."
Perfect Love casts out Fear...
"Where Strength dwells, Fear cannot abide."
This is something God and I have talked through so many times. He is weeding it out of my life. When God uproots deep things from our hearts, it hurts, yet the outcome is more beautiful than we can imagine. I know this is worth it. Already I can see the outcome. He is making me more whole, He is making me stronger, more courageous. I pray for courage. I pray for courage for others. It is key to freedom.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
17 Ways to Ruin Relationships
Let's face it: there are some basic rules needing to be practiced to protect relationships, or help get them off on the right track before they even start. I've seen a lot of social awkwardness, drama, and rudeness. (I'm weirded out by it.) Here are my thoughts and pet peeves about 17 deadly social sins and how to ruin relationships. Note: different types of relationships are mentioned below. They range from dating/male and female interactions, friendships, professional work place, and everyday social situations.
1.) Facebook and Twitter are social websites. Yes, they are useful, but please... please don't use them to arrange a meeting time with friends or, if you're single, ask someone on a date/communicate an interest. We still have phones for those things and they work much better. (Except, good grief... if you're using a phone, please don't ask someone on a date by a text. Use your voice to let them know what you're made out of.) We loose that personal touch that says "I care about you" when we ditch phones and make messaging on a social network site our biggest communication. So you don't have their number? Easy solution: get it!
2.) Never use someone for your advantage without making sure they benefit, too.... Obviously, using them makes them angry. (Then you wonder why they don't want to be around you anymore?)
3.) You like someone or are in love, but you can't seem to get their attention... Never flirt with another to make them jealous. That's not attractive, it doesn't always work, and can even backfire on you.
4.) Look people in the eye. If you don't, they'll wonder what you're hiding or if you're too aloof to care.
5.) Don't constantly check your phone when you're with people. That body language translates: "I'm not fully interested in being here right now with you".... (Duh)
6.) Hey, Guys! A lot of girls still want to be pursued, no matter what the Women's Movement taught years ago. You need to go get her. (We like that. It goes back to the Knight and Shining Armor thing.) And if she still says "no", and you're a decent guy? Don't be defeated. There's a lot of women out there. Go find the one that will say "yes". I hear way too many single, nice girls complaining that no one asks them out. "Is he scared?" they ask..................................... (Well, are you?)
7.) Hey, Girls! Stop trying to be the guy in the relationship. Let him be the leader. When he offers to do something nice for you, thank him for being a gentleman and don't stomp on him thinking you're too independent for his help. You're not being cute: you're acting dumb.
8.) If you're going to work with friends in business, make sure you understand where money comes in. Don't take advantage of a good-natured friendship. Too many friendships are ruined over "business", and that's just sad.
9.) Never un-invite "Betty" (we'll call the unnamed person that) to a party saying that plans are cancelled because their ex/someone that makes her feel uncomfortable will be there and you gather with the others behind Betty's back. That just makes you a jerk and weird... Believe it or not, I've seen adults do this, sadly. And it doesn't protect Betty's feelings: it causes more problems.
10.) You're an employer: don't fire an employee because of a bad attitude when you have a bad attitude yourself. Can you say "hypocrite"?
11.) Dudes, be dudes. Girls, be girls. It works better that way.
12.) Getting drunk is not attractive.
13.) Don't expect people to give more than you're giving yourself... Also, don't dominate all conversations. People will think you're struck on yourself and will get annoyed. Share the table.
14.) Fads come and go, and times change, but ethics should never go out of style. Consider what you do, and how you're coming across. Body language is louder than actual words. What's your body saying?
15.) Don't assume invading another's personal space is always welcome.................
15.) Don't assume invading another's personal space is always welcome.................
16.) Girls: this isn't 5th grade anymore. We're adults, and sly, jealousy-driven actions don't work. If your insecurity affects how you treat others, you're going to be alone. Simple as that.
17.) Someone wronged you: forgive. Staying mad at them creates awkward turtle and doesn't prove anything except your own bitterness. Free yourself from that prison.
Know anyone that fits into these? Do you fit into these? No one is perfect... I'm not perfect, but we have to try harder to not bum around. Use common sense. God gave us all brains: we need to use them.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Girl In The Mirror: Body Image and Chicago Deep Dish Pizza
The director of our learning conservatory, a few students, and I had a wonderful opportunity of spending a weekend in Chicago this month with the famous Giordano Jazz Dance Chicago company at a workshop they hosted in their historic studio. First I must state that the Giordano people are truly some of the nicest dance professionals I've met. They should be proud of themselves for staying top of the line, yet staying true to beauty in conduction of human communications. I am really wanting to return to Chicago to take more classes under their name.
One thing that happened over the weekend was a very surreal realization. The "skinny dancer" fad is no longer in place. I knew that before, but it came even more to life when I was speaking with Nan Giordano herself about how I had become sick and had lost weight. She, with much concern and care, said as she looked down at my thin frame, "You need more meat on your bones." I loved it! As I stood there hearing her, I thought of countless girls who think they're overweight as dancers. I also thought of myself as a young teen and my struggles.
When I was 14, I battled poor eating habits because I thought I was too fat... instead of taking a healthy approach, I started eating all the time. Ironically, as that young teenager trying so hard to be accepted as a dancer, I gained weight in my fear of being overweight. Also in a growth spurt, my muscles expanded rapidly before my bones knew what to do with them. My legs were like rocks and I felt "chunky"... devastating to an aspiring ballet dancer. I was a sneaky kid, and never told anyone my feelings so my unhealthy habits were unnoticed... (Horrible.) It happened again at 18 when I was injured on and off for nearly a whole year and fell into depression, thinking I could never dance again. I turned to food for comfort: again, some weight gain, but only drastic in my own mind... For the most part, I generally was pretty good at waving fads all into the breeze to just strive to be healthy, and besides those two hiccups in dieting history, I've had relatively uneventful "weight drama" in my dancing years... Yet this past year, I lost way too much weight and became tiny against my will. I wasn't starving myself at all and sought medical help as to why I was loosing weight without trying. I'm much better now as doctors are keeping an eye on it, yet still I'm too thin.
It's funny how times change... just years ago, Balanchine had it set that dancers were thin and frail-looking, and that was "beautiful". Now dance has turned to the "healthy athletic look". I don't really care about fads, but what is healthy, and I want my students to know and believe that about themselves. I tried twice obsessing over food: it doesn't work and only hurts you more as a dancer and individual person. Strive for health, and you'll get it right. Nan Giordano likes healthy, and I like her for her honesty.
Now excuse me while I go eat a burger....
One thing that happened over the weekend was a very surreal realization. The "skinny dancer" fad is no longer in place. I knew that before, but it came even more to life when I was speaking with Nan Giordano herself about how I had become sick and had lost weight. She, with much concern and care, said as she looked down at my thin frame, "You need more meat on your bones." I loved it! As I stood there hearing her, I thought of countless girls who think they're overweight as dancers. I also thought of myself as a young teen and my struggles.
When I was 14, I battled poor eating habits because I thought I was too fat... instead of taking a healthy approach, I started eating all the time. Ironically, as that young teenager trying so hard to be accepted as a dancer, I gained weight in my fear of being overweight. Also in a growth spurt, my muscles expanded rapidly before my bones knew what to do with them. My legs were like rocks and I felt "chunky"... devastating to an aspiring ballet dancer. I was a sneaky kid, and never told anyone my feelings so my unhealthy habits were unnoticed... (Horrible.) It happened again at 18 when I was injured on and off for nearly a whole year and fell into depression, thinking I could never dance again. I turned to food for comfort: again, some weight gain, but only drastic in my own mind... For the most part, I generally was pretty good at waving fads all into the breeze to just strive to be healthy, and besides those two hiccups in dieting history, I've had relatively uneventful "weight drama" in my dancing years... Yet this past year, I lost way too much weight and became tiny against my will. I wasn't starving myself at all and sought medical help as to why I was loosing weight without trying. I'm much better now as doctors are keeping an eye on it, yet still I'm too thin.
It's funny how times change... just years ago, Balanchine had it set that dancers were thin and frail-looking, and that was "beautiful". Now dance has turned to the "healthy athletic look". I don't really care about fads, but what is healthy, and I want my students to know and believe that about themselves. I tried twice obsessing over food: it doesn't work and only hurts you more as a dancer and individual person. Strive for health, and you'll get it right. Nan Giordano likes healthy, and I like her for her honesty.
Now excuse me while I go eat a burger....
Eating Chicago Deep Dish Pizza... never skip that when you're in Chicago!
Us from TDAC with Nan Giordano
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