Sometimes I tend to portray an untrue reality about myself. Whether subconscious or conscious decision, it does not matter: I realize truth must come out. So here I am, soul laid bare for these three minutes.
I am not running by my own strength. It would make me a liar to pretend to live in the illusion of the invincible. Therefore, I admit I am not always strong. Sometimes I hurt. Sometimes I'm so tired of fighting what hurts in the ocean of doubt that I don't know what end is up.
Also, I don't know what hurts more---playing invincible, or admitting the truth that I am not. But when truth comes out, when I no longer hide behind illusions I create, and when I admit I am not as strong as I appear... then His voice becomes stronger when He says, "You're not, but I am." It is these moments of reality checks that I'm down to essentials: I am not invincible, but He is, and I desperately need His strength like we all do. That is human, and it's the covering of Love's wings that make it all okay.
I think there must be a delicate balance between fighting to be strong and accidentally creating an illusion to others around that nothing hurts. My dim mind seems to blend these two well enough that I get wrapped in my own creation, then I'm surprised at my struggle when confronted with reality. I hope one day I can master the balance.... The truth is that I am a fighter, but I am not invincible, and I cannot live in such an illusion so that reality is forgotten. Truth and illusion must become separate.
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