Holding Too Tightly---Butterfly Metaphor

There are some memories from childhood that we can pull out like books from a shelf. I have several. One such memory is an incident that happened when I was a little girl that still shades my mind. I was playing outside like I normally did when I caught a delicate white butterfly... I was so obsessed with the butterfly that I held it too tightly, and the result was inevitable: I killed it. I remember feeling absolutely horrible. I was a murderer. My heart broke, and I cried over it's fragile broken wings, feeling the realization that it would never fly again.

Maybe that was a mellow-dramatic story to kick off my point, but I'm going somewhere with it. That incident I experienced as a mellow-dramatic child makes me wonder how often we hold so tightly to something dear to us, and so often the end result is we accidentally destroy it. Putting the butterfly killing aside and speaking more metaphorically, how often have I destroyed something dear to me because I was so desperate to keep it? How often do I come close to destroying something now?

God spoke to me last night about something I've been pleading Him for... Again, last night I found myself praying hard for it, and His voice told my heart that I needed to let it go... I knew what He meant: by holding on too tightly I could hurt myself, and potentially hurt others by not resting in His will. He should be in control, not me... Honestly, I pouted that I had to release it. The side of my heart that loves control and feeling in control wrestled with God for several hours into today, but I finally relented. In that release came relief. He didn't tell me I will not receive what I've been praying for: He merely just said I can't hold on so tightly to it anymore.

Winged things deserve to be without bounds, and our lives can be held captive by bounds we put on the things we love. What freedom awaits by trusting instead of holding so tightly? If that metaphorical butterfly happens to stay resting in my hand by itself, isn't that even more amazing than if I made it stay there by force? So I will let go... release... and watch as the possibilities unfold.