Superhuman or Curse? Dealing With Sensory Processing Disorders

Ready to dive into a mystery of the brain and five senses? Below are a few questions to ask yourself. Do you know anyone experiencing these characteristics, including yourself?

-Feelings of being overwhelmed by the visual (such as flashing lights) or auditory stimuli? This
 overwhelmed feeling can be as dramatic as thoughts of sheer panic.
-Easily startled by loud noises, "shut down", or become very nervous in settings where loud music is      
 constant or loud talking is present?
-Extremely sensitive to textures or touch? (Do seams of socks bother you? Do some fabrics simply drive
 you crazy?)
-Trouble sleeping after being on the computer or watching TV?
-Unrelated to hormonal changes, are you hot or cold when others seem comfortable?
-Tolerance to Pain?
-Ability to smell something before others can?
-Incredibly in tune or seemingly unaware to bodily needs? (Such as, frankly, needing to urinate or    
 frequent hunger, or lack thereof?)
-Easily Distracted?
-Can't be still and need to always be moving?
-Been labeled as "unsocial" or misunderstood because you tend to withdraw socially?

If you answered yes to any of these, read on. You are not alone: it could be very well a Sensory Processing Disorder, a condition in which the brain does not organize signals from the senses into appropriate responses. This is why certain sounds, smells, visual stimuli (such as flashing lights), textures, etc. can range from unbearable to a mere annoyance. Sometimes persons with an SPD only experiences 1 of the 5 sensory effects, such as they only experience sensitivity to sound while all other senses are normal.  Sometimes the brain takes in information about the hazard of signals and misfires, which is why the person's "fight or flight" reaction can be heightened to unreasonable actions. This is why it can be easy to startle a person with an SPD by simply tapping them on the shoulder. Senses can either be hypersenstive or hyposensitive. Sensory Processing Disorders are most commonly diagnosed in children, but adults can also suffer with symptoms. Sometimes it is "hidden" and goes undetected, and labeled as "quirky" or, sadly, wrongly diagnosed. Yet when proper treatment has been given, these adults are completely functioning but they may occasionally feel the annoyances these symptoms can exude.

I am a functioning and "normal" adult, though I myself occasionally experience some hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity pertaining to the senses that causes some annoyance, rather than trauma or disability. While I haven't been diagnosed by doctors, as my symptoms are mild and not very dramatic, I know how the sensations from an SPD can cause feelings of insecurity. As a child, I frequently felt overwhelmed at parties or other areas where loud talking or loud music was present. As a teenager, I found myself emotionally shutting down after prolonged exposure to auditory stimuli. Also, my friends found my startled over-reaction and devastation entertaining if they hid behind doors and jumped out to scare me. (Comical, I'll admit.) People have also been surprised at my high tolerance to physical pain. In the end, I have learned to cope with these hyposensitivities and hypersensitivities. It is normal to me.
Learning to cope also meant learning the value of recharging in periodic isolation. Finding value in being quiet and still meant discovering the ability to be stronger in public. However, even today, if I'm exposed in really loud settings for a long period of time, I "zone out" or become increasingly nervous and have a hard time carrying on conversation. While it's a little quirky, I know I'm not socially awkward.  It's just my nerves have become overloaded and it's time to take a rest to recharge the "emotional batteries".

If you or someone you know has an SPD, there is value in finding comfort in occasional peaceful solitude. You need it to recharge, and don't let others condemn you for being "unsocial". Even Jesus Himself sought solitude. "... and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray." Luke 5:15-16 

Just don't stay in solitude for too long. :)

"Oops! Did I Just Say That?"

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we walked around and just blurted out everything that was on our minds. It would mean there would be little secrets and everyone would know where they stood with each other. It would mean employees and employers would be more open with each other. It would mean the guy simply tells the girl he likes her, or vise versa. And it would mean you tell Aunt Barbara you haven't worn the Christmas sweater she gave you because you hate wearing Santa's face across your chest as a grown adult....


AND... we probably wouldn't have many friends. So, we can't blurt everything out. One can be too honest, after all. Yet, we shouldn't be afraid to speak our minds, right? How do we know where to draw the boundary?


There needs to be a balance. I have noticed that I don't say what is on my mind nearly enough, and it's something I am making a goal to change. But I don't want to go so far that I become offensive to others. I think manners is the sealer of honesty. If it is rude to say it, I should refrain, unless my opinion has been asked. For example, I was asked the other day by a guy friend for my "fashion opinion" of what he was wearing, and I had to be honest in saying his shoes weren't working out well. This wasn't offensive: why? Because I had been asked, and I answered in diplomacy, or what was my best attempt at diplomacy. Sometimes we get too honest for the sake of being honest, when we should still put ourselves in the other person's shoes. (No pun intended.) It's a delicated balance of saying the truth, but keeping manners.


So how do we do this? I think it's a matter of saying truth in the other person's best interest. It's just loving people well and showing respect. What would it mean to say the truth with the other person's best interest? I think it would mean more clarity in all relationships. If honesty came out of the other's best interest, guys and girls would know whether they are dating as in a romantic relationship, or if they are friends who enjoy each other's company. Employers and employees would be communicating clearer if they have been honest for the other's best interest. Maybe the boss needs to say the employee isn't executing properly, or the employee needs to ask for a Saturday off. (I realize those were lame examples, but I'm just typing mere ideas.) And Aunt Barbara---Hmmm Aunt Barbara... well, I'm not sure how Aunt Barbara should be told the sweater she gave you is tacky. (Maybe you should not say anything at all? Again, I'm not claiming to be any expert. ha!)


To sum this up, before blurting out the truth or holding the truth back completely out of fear of embarrassing or hurting someone or yourself, remember this one line:


"Speak the truth in love." ~Ephesians 4:5 


Sums it up well, I'd say.

Belonging... Never Alone

Belong... We use this word a lot in our lifestyles and thoughts. We say things like "I don't belong in a job like this," or "He is too big-city-minded to belong in a town so quiet," or "I wish I truly felt like I belonged somewhere." This last one is a pattern easily adopted into our thinking. "I wish I belonged somewhere." It's a sad, hopeless statement, especially when doubt settles in to the point where this thought becomes, "I'm afraid I'll never belong to anyone or anywhere." This one also, if we're not careful, is easily adopted into our thinking and can hurt us.

Sometimes, our hearts drift toward concepts that cause us hurt: sometimes things happen and we may feel like outcasts, or like wanderers looking for the next thing, or like we don't fit in quite well, uncertain and afraid of identity, or just lonely. Since I have been about sharing and being open, here is another layer of my heart that has been shed, but now will be made public: I struggled with questions and doubts of belonging. I somehow had adopted it into my thinking so smoothly, I barely noticed it was there. It had become so deeply rooted into my thoughts, it became normal to feel insecure in these questions. I didn't realize how much these lies and doubts had led me into a trap... until a friend sat me down and told me to be careful with my association with those ideas and that she'd been praying against those thoughts in me. Wow. What was awesome was that I hadn't even told her about this struggle. I had covered it up, not even thinking there was anything wrong with it. But there I was exposed before my friend and held accountable. What was huge is my eyes were opened as she talked with me. I had allowed those ideas to hurt my heart, but was lifted and encouraged as she said in truth, "You belong. You're a child of God... You are part of the Body." 

Satan loves for us to feel alone or like wanderers, because it can cut us off from our fellow brothers and sisters of the Body... and that's just what he wants. But we belong. Belong... The truth settled in as my friend spoke that to me. No matter what the circumstance, no matter how insecure we may feel at times, if we are sealed in Christ, we are part of the Body. We are held together as one, no matter what. Some things may not be permanent as we are taken into different seasons and times, but the truth is we are never alone. Not alone, not outcasts, not rejects. Wrapped in this concept the mind is allowed to be free and healthy. I belong, you belong, we belong. 

Another thing... When our minds are in this, we are free in love and peace. And we need to act in this freedom and reach out to our brothers and sisters in love. Love. Love is the greatest gift, and there are plenty of opportunities to love as we have been loved. Sealed in love, we are together, never alone.

The Smile: Two Meanings?

In my dealings with people (and my dealings with myself), I have come to realize that a smile can have two meanings. While I'm no expert on human behavior, I yearn for a discerning spirit as I interact with people. So here is what is bouncing around in my brain about The Smile.

The Smile's two meanings.

1.) It can denote the inner feelings of true happiness as a radiance of outward expression, or of loving expression towards others (friendliness). This is the one we are familiar with, the one we expect.

or....

2.) It can actually be an inner cry for help, disguised as a mask of sorts.

Picturing this, I just wonder how many times I have passed by a smiling face and mistook it for a playful countenance or The "I'm doing just great" Face... I wonder how many times I have passed by an opportunity to simply ask, "How are you doing?" from genuine concern. Something I have seen burst from these alleged "Mask-Wearers" is a pleasant surprise if they happen to be caught wearing the fake smile (used to cover up feelings of hurt) and have been asked how they really are doing. They don't expect to be discovered, but somehow deep down, I think they were yearning to be noticed and are happy someone saw beyond the lie. Remembering this, I wonder how many others have expected me to see the truth behind their mask, and were they upset if I missed it? Turning this on myself, I also wonder how many times have I put on this "mask" and expected others to see the truth behind it? 

This digs down into a deeper thought level... I think there could be different answers to this, but two I'm pondering at the moment are the duties of the "Mask-Wearer" and of the "Truth-Seeker". 

1.) If we are the "Mask-Wearer" (aka the ones wearing the fake smile to cover up pain), it is perfectly human to remove the mask and be ourselves. That is our duty. Masks are unhealthy for us and everyone around us because they conceal the truth. Something I have seen, too, is that if we wear the "mask" long enough, we boil over and eventually explode.

2.) What I'm about to write next has two points... If we are the "Truth-Seeker" (aka someone who has a gift in seeing beyond what is there, the gift of discernment), I think we should remember to "bear one another's burdens". On the other hand, I don't think it's our duty to save everyone wearing masks. We can ask by prayer what our role should be when interacting with these people.

In essence, whether we're the one wearing the mask or the one that sees beyond another's mask, I think our duties can be summed up to an old lesson. Maybe you heard it as a 1st grader sitting in Miss Betty's Sunday School class...

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

~The Golden Rule, taken from Luke 6:31

Hmmm, something to ponder. Any thoughts?

Confessions of A 21-year old Drama Queen

The title is well-suited. I am currently 21, an age I don't announce often, and I am a Drama Queen. Why have I kept my age hidden until now? Somehow I'd convinced myself that in order to be successful as a person, business person, whatever the heck I try to be, that being young is somehow inferior in a world of older professionals. That is a lie and I love truth. This thought process is about to change. I found myself thinking recently that I must celebrate youth and stop being such an age snob.


Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity. ~1 Timothy 4:12


So "Drama Queen"... I don't like that title, and I'm not proud of it at all, but this blog entry is about honesty and telling it like it is, so I'm not going to sugarcoat the problem. Drama Queen... (ouch.) So here comes the real confession time of what has happened to me the past 6 months. It is not pretty. Brace yourself as I brace myself to lay down my pride.


I have become sick. It started in October when I decided to rearrange my career ideals a bit and somehow I became so wrapped up in my goals I lost myself. The mind is a strange thing... I started suffering spiritually, mentally, and physically. I stressed out, always running to the next job, studying, making "to-do lists"... I was striving so hard to please others and to be proud of myself that I literally started wasting away... I lost a lot of weight, and people started asking if I was okay. My hair started falling out in big chunks. I had tension in my neck and shoulders, so I was in pain often. Many begged me to go to the doctor, but I was too stubborn. And my ridiculous process continued and quickly worsened. It was like I was killing myself slowly. 


As I'm admitting this, I have tears in my eyes. I want others to know, to be warned, and I want to beg them not to do what I did. I had withered away to 107 lbs. As a 5 ft 7", athletic dancer, that is WAY to little! I remember the first time I saw how tiny my body had become. I looked in the mirror one day while I was teaching ballet, and it's like my eyes were opened to reality. My muscles had gone away, bones were sticking out, and it hurt to dance. My JOB hurt! My passion for dance withered away because physically it had become too stressful on my fragile body. I continued working as a dance instructor, but slowly rehearsing my own dreams at the studio became more of a chore than a desire. Even with my Illusion learning, I suffered. What started out as something I just wanted to do quickly became something I felt I HAD to do, like just another item on the "to do list". When I lost passion for my goals, FEAR possessed me. I did not know what I was doing, and was afraid I wouldn't figure it out. It was a deadening... a limbo of sorts. Questions haunted me and I felt close to worthless. My mentors and my family became extremely worried as they saw me metaphorically drowning, because I still was very thin and wasn't gaining weight, though I tried desperately to gain. The pounds simply wouldn't come back, and my hair had thinned considerably. Chronic fatigue set in. Headaches pushed into my skull everyday. Pain in my neck made itself more prominent, an obvious injury... Depression settled in, and pressure to pursue my dreams only drove me deeper into a hole. 


Answers and Dealing With Truth:
To sum this up: stress, pride, and an injury was the cause of the past few months being so dark. I am under treatment with Dr. Josh Axe of Exodus Health Center, and already I am feeling better. Mentally, I am chilling for now, focusing on my Lord, Who makes the darkness come to light. As my body is healing itself, I'm focusing on healing my mind... Stress that is self-inflicted is dangerous. As I rid that monster out of me, it is a bittersweet time. I am making myself take a sabbatical, a welcome break. I hurt, I cry, and for the first time in a while, I'm allowing myself to feel those emotions without masquerading them. I still dream but I am just being in the present, enjoying the lifted spirit I am getting back. 


Hope is returning. My passion for dance and teaching is returning. I just want to tell others not to do what I did, especially young adults and teens. Society already puts enough pressure on us, and we don't need to add anything on ourselves. Yes, doctors found a neck injury and a Vitamin D deficiency that is being corrected, but I could have handled my mind a lot better. Making unrealistic demands on myself is not what my God called me into. He specifically told me to be FREE and tell others to be free. The chains I have been putting on myself to be perfect and successful had made me a hypocrite and disobedient to His calling on my life. For this I am so sorry... to my Lord, to my friends, to my family. I say "No more". I have a message, a voice, and it needs to be heard. I will not allow my own junk to silence this voice anymore. I am healing. :)


If you are reading this, please don't do what I did. You don't have to be perfect. Success is not all it's measured to be, especially if it makes you sick! Pursue dreams, chase your goals, but know your strengths, your bounds. Push, but don't break. Learn the balance of being the best you can be without demanding unrealistic ideals upon yourself... I am learning this and am re-creating my life to be shaped in a new priority fashion. 


Much love, in peace...
Lindsey

Ponderings: Essentials and Eternity

    As I sit here in the woods on a sunny day in winter, I am caressing the moment of stopping life just to BE... To breathe in the moment... To dwell in the moment of unknown except the existence of NOW. It's an empowering moment of weakness and vulnerability. I am strong to admit I am weak, and I am weak to say I'm strong. In this moment, I know a fact I choose to ignore often: I have to toss off weight, all the unnecessary bondage that keeps me from being free... What would life look like for me if I stopped trying so hard? What would happen if I stopped thinking about all but the necessary? I have potential to ruin myself by trying to be so wise that I go above and beyond Being and pondering the essential. In my wisdom, I can become foolish. By becoming foolish, I can become wise... The concept sounds like an unfairly bizarre riddle but the Wisest One first said it by Paul's writing.
    In the moment I'm in, I can feel the ache in creation... The birds are singing and a distant train blows it's horn---all signs of life and normalcy, but somehow I can sense brokenness. Just to get to this special place tucked off in the brush on top a rock on the cliff in the park, I watched my back and my surroundings just to make sure there was no threatening character lurking around. It seems poetically backwards to have to trek through potential danger to get to a place to pray and think in peace. I am reminded that the world as we know it is dangerous and violent, and will continue to be so before our King returns to make all right. In the dead shadows, I feel like creation knows this... It's a haunting yet beautiful thing, like nature knows something better than do our human minds. We are easily distracted from essentials.
    The essentials are that Truth is coming again to bring us Home into Eternity, and whatever time here in this dangerous and broken world is important. We have purpose but we waste it on the things that will not be eternal. This time and world is now and temporarily ours to borrow. What are we doing with our borrowed time? Wasting it on the things that will not matter in the immortal life coming? When we are before the Creator of Time and His life and breath is everything, how will we feel about what we did in the previous age? Soon I will make the hike back down to my car to my city, where I will see the groan and the hope of my society. I pray I can keep my mind on the essentials. What am I doing? Will I practice what I preach? Will I strip myself of extra weight and keep my eyes on the horizon ahead? It's a race...
    Earthly things---this will pass away. Our King is coming to bring death to evil and awaken all things good. Push for that. The Wise One is coming to teach us Who He really is, and the ones that know Him will be amazed. We underestimate Him because our understanding is too wise by this world's standards. (For now we see in a mirror dimly, but soon we shall see face to face. -1 Corinthians 13:12) God is beyond logic since He is Himself is a miracle. We must have child-like hearts to understand just a part of Him, and even then we still don't understand. (Matthew 18:1-4) He is beyond spells, magic, and powers of man. He is the Master of Miracles and King of Power. He is the reason we are here... The Mysterious One full of love will soon be understood... Our minds will be made new to be wise by His standards. By this wisdom, we know that the wisest in this world are foolish. (For it is written, "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the cleverness of the clever I will set aside. Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?" -1 Corinthians 1:19-20)
    Compared to a Lord like this God, who are we to say that we have things figured out? We may be wise in this age and world---even wiser than ever before now that science is increasingly getting more elaborate---but we still have only brushed the surface of His wisdom. Who am I to be so arrogant at times to be comfortable in my own logic and wisdom? Before the Lord who created me, I am a mere speck, and yet I carry unnecessary weight in my own arrogance... However, I find this a comfort that I know little compared to Him: even the wisdom of now feels empty, because I know there is more. I will see the Wise One in a day coming, when He makes all things right. 
     I leave this quiet place now to return to my fast-paced world... knowing all is temporary and better things and new life is coming.

Poetry Session 4: "Flight Dare"

"Flight Dare"
by Lindsey Adare
Written December 2010

"I can feel it---the shaking in my spirit.
The burn for risk, yet desire for safe.
As the way of eagles, the nest is disassembled,
And this bird is left perching on thorns,
When the sky is the limit, when fear baffles...

Do I dare trust my own wings?

I hear whispers---my soul shivers,
"How is the bold afraid?" I ask,
When the Trusted One gives a dare.
I doubt, argue, question, diminish.
Surely I can't be ready for this?

Do I trust the wings I was given?

Yet a rumbling soul---it takes control,
And at this I know what needs to come.
I go, jump, leaving thorns behind...
Laughing: daringly agreeing the challenge.
Flying: I was created for this."