17 Ways to Ruin Relationships

Let's face it: there are some basic rules needing to be practiced to protect relationships, or help get them off on the right track before they even start. I've seen a lot of social awkwardness, drama, and rudeness. (I'm weirded out by it.)  Here are my thoughts and pet peeves about 17 deadly social sins and how to ruin relationships. Note: different types of relationships are mentioned below. They range from dating/male and female interactions, friendships, professional work place, and everyday social situations.

1.) Facebook and Twitter are social websites. Yes, they are useful, but please... please don't use them to arrange a meeting time with friends or, if you're single, ask someone on a date/communicate an interest. We still have phones for those things and they work much better. (Except, good grief... if you're using a phone, please don't ask someone on a date by a text. Use your voice to let them know what you're made out of.) We loose that personal touch that says "I care about you" when we ditch phones and make messaging on a social network site our biggest communication. So you don't have their number? Easy solution: get it! 

2.) Never use someone for your advantage without making sure they benefit, too.... Obviously, using them makes them angry. (Then you wonder why they don't want to be around you anymore?)

3.) You like someone or are in love, but you can't seem to get their attention... Never flirt with another to make them jealous. That's not attractive, it doesn't always work, and can even backfire on you.

4.) Look people in the eye. If you don't, they'll wonder what you're hiding or if you're too aloof to care.

5.) Don't constantly check your phone when you're with people. That body language translates: "I'm not fully interested in being here right now with you".... (Duh)

6.) Hey, Guys! A lot of girls still want to be pursued, no matter what the Women's Movement taught years ago. You need to go get her. (We like that. It goes back to the Knight and Shining Armor thing.) And if she still says "no", and you're a decent guy? Don't be defeated. There's a lot of women out there. Go find the one that will say "yes". I hear way too many single, nice girls complaining that no one asks them out. "Is he scared?" they ask..................................... (Well, are you?)

7.) Hey, Girls! Stop trying to be the guy in the relationship. Let him be the leader. When he offers to do something nice for you, thank him for being a gentleman and don't stomp on him thinking you're too independent for his help. You're not being cute: you're acting dumb.

8.) If you're going to work with friends in business, make sure you understand where money comes in.  Don't take advantage of a good-natured friendship. Too many friendships are ruined over "business", and that's just sad.

9.) Never un-invite "Betty" (we'll call the unnamed person that) to a party saying that plans are cancelled because their ex/someone that makes her feel uncomfortable will be there and you gather with the others behind Betty's back. That just makes you a jerk and weird... Believe it or not, I've seen adults do this, sadly. And it doesn't protect Betty's feelings: it causes more problems. 

10.) You're an employer: don't fire an employee because of a bad attitude when you have a bad attitude yourself. Can you say "hypocrite"?

11.) Dudes, be dudes. Girls, be girls. It works better that way. 

12.) Getting drunk is not attractive. 

13.) Don't expect people to give more than you're giving yourself... Also, don't dominate all conversations. People will think you're struck on yourself and will get annoyed. Share the table.

14.) Fads come and go, and times change, but ethics should never go out of style. Consider what you do, and how you're coming across. Body language is louder than actual words. What's your body saying?

15.) Don't assume invading another's personal space is always welcome.................

16.) Girls: this isn't 5th grade anymore. We're adults, and sly, jealousy-driven actions don't work. If your insecurity affects how you treat others, you're going to be alone. Simple as that.

17.) Someone wronged you: forgive. Staying mad at them creates awkward turtle and doesn't prove anything except your own bitterness. Free yourself from that prison.

Know anyone that fits into these? Do you fit into these? No one is perfect... I'm not perfect, but we have to try harder to not bum around. Use common sense. God gave us all brains: we need to use them.

The Girl In The Mirror: Body Image and Chicago Deep Dish Pizza

The director of our learning conservatory, a few students, and I had a wonderful opportunity of spending a weekend in Chicago this month with the famous Giordano Jazz Dance Chicago company at a workshop they hosted in their historic studio. First I must state that the Giordano people are truly some of the nicest dance professionals I've met. They should be proud of themselves for staying top of the line, yet staying true to beauty in conduction of human communications. I am really wanting to return to Chicago to take more classes under their name.

One thing that happened over the weekend was a very surreal realization. The "skinny dancer" fad is no longer in place. I knew that before, but it came even more to life when I was speaking with Nan Giordano herself about how I had become sick and had lost weight. She, with much concern and care, said as she looked down at my thin frame, "You need more meat on your bones." I loved it! As I stood there hearing her, I thought of countless girls who think they're overweight as dancers. I also thought of myself as a young teen and my struggles.

When I was 14, I battled poor eating habits because I thought I was too fat... instead of taking a healthy approach, I started eating all the time. Ironically, as that young teenager trying so hard to be accepted as a dancer, I gained weight in my fear of being overweight. Also in a growth spurt, my muscles expanded rapidly before my bones knew what to do with them. My legs were like rocks and I felt "chunky"... devastating to an aspiring ballet dancer. I was a sneaky kid, and never told anyone my feelings so my unhealthy habits were unnoticed... (Horrible.) It happened again at 18 when I was injured on and off for nearly a whole year and fell into depression, thinking I could never dance again. I turned to food for comfort: again, some weight gain, but only drastic in my own mind... For the most part, I generally was pretty good at waving fads all into the breeze to just strive to be healthy, and besides those two hiccups in dieting history, I've had relatively uneventful "weight drama" in my dancing years... Yet this past year, I lost way too much weight and became tiny against my will. I wasn't starving myself at all and sought medical help as to why I was loosing weight without trying. I'm much better now as doctors are keeping an eye on it, yet still I'm too thin.

It's funny how times change... just years ago, Balanchine had it set that dancers were thin and frail-looking, and that was "beautiful". Now dance has turned to the "healthy athletic look". I don't really care about fads, but what is healthy, and I want my students to know and believe that about themselves. I tried twice obsessing over food: it doesn't work and only hurts you more as a dancer and individual person. Strive for health, and you'll get it right. Nan Giordano likes healthy, and I like her for her honesty.

Now excuse me while I go eat a burger....

Eating Chicago Deep Dish Pizza... never skip that when you're in Chicago!

Us from TDAC with Nan Giordano

Technology and the Bible Going Hand-In-Hand?

We've all seen it. Technology is moving faster than it has ever moved. Once we get the iphone 3G, it's already soon to be outdated and we have to upgrade to the 4G. (Now the 5G is coming.) The Myspace rage is a thing of the past. Facebook took it's place, then twitter arose, and some manage both at the same time and call it "Twitface". (Oh, and then if you still do myspace as well, you can say "MyTwitFace".) When just a few years ago we stared at the computer screen waiting on dial up internet, now we check emails from our phones. We can talk face-to-face with people from all over the globe using Skype. (A personal example is that my church a while back watched our pastor speak to us all the way from Israel on a Sunday morning by way of Skype on the big screen during the service...) We also now have talking cars, and Ford is working on cars that can tell the driver when his/her allergies may flare up. (Ha what?!) Just last century, a man who bought a new Ford vehicle when it was just invented thought he was awesome stuff driving up to pick up his lady going about 20 miles an hour. People freaked out when the concept of TV came out and little people seemed trapped in a box; now talk of holograms becoming more available is on the rise. ("Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi", sorry if that was nerdy. Had to do it.)

Amazing. Our world is now made up of wires, cameras, tracking devices, airplanes, cars that talk to you and tell you how healthy you are, and holograms when just a few years ago, the concept of a text message seemed unbelievable.... So what does it mean? That man is getting smarter? Well, yeah, but more importantly, in a world changing so fast and furiously, is an old book like the Bible able to be used beyond giving words of advice and leading us to God? For sure it is, and it even tells us this would all happen.

It states in Daniel 12:4 that in the last days "...Many will go back and forth, and knowledge will increase." We all can see that knowledge has increased, for sure. It's moving extremely fast. And are we traveling more? We can answer yes, for certain. Remember that old Ford car that I mentioned before? Now we have talking cars, we have airplanes, and there are astronauts that go into outer space.

We're in the last days, and it's obvious if we look around us and compare it to what was written in the Bible. About the return of Jesus---can we predict the hour? No, as it states that only God knows, yet we can look at clues that Jesus is close to returning. The Word of God is still relevant, and prophesies that were written way before our time are still mapping out today. For me, that makes my faith even more compelling to live out and believe. The Author of all is still at it, and we are Living the Unfinished Story.

Desires Of Our Hearts: What To Do With Them, Part 2

In 1577, my favorite poem ever was written. It was beautifully crafted from a heart's cry that echoes into this day. Whenever I read these words, my own heart pumps in agreement. I desire to live this way... What should we do with dreams and desires of our hearts? I think this author boldly wrote the answer long ago.

"Disturb us, Lord,
When we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.


Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
With the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life
We have ceased our dreams of eternity,
And in our efforts to build a new earth
We have allowed our vision
Of the new heaven to dim.


Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where loosing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.


We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love."

~Attributed to Sir Francis Drake, 1577


Dream. Live. Dare. Go boldly to answer God's calling. Stay thirsty for Him... To do without is like a ship in a sea of doldrums.

Dance And The Supermoon

Photography by Vince Wallace of Silver Hill Images. (www.silverhillimages.com)
Dancer: Lindsey Adare Fisher

Art and nature can work wonderfully well together. In this case, it was when the Perigee Moon was boasting it's full and large face across the night on March 18 & 19, and my friend Vince Wallace (photographer of Silver Hill Images) and I were working on an artistic collaboration. He wanted to capture the moon it its closeness to the earth while having a dancer leaping underneath its brilliance. What you can see below is what we came up with while the moon was rising. (The moon in this first one is obviously made bigger by photoshop.)

We had faced some challenges to make these happen... 1.) We were using a field with a no trespassing sign on it. (That was Vince's idea, not mine.) 2.) We didn't know exactly which direction the moon would rise, so he set up his cameras and lights by guesswork. 3.) Then when we were about to go, the portable battery for his lights blew! We had no lights... for a night photoshoot in an open field way out in the country... How was this going to work?! What happened next was a bit comical if one could see. I will post part of a note that Vince wrote so he can explain what happened in his words, since I'm not excellently good at explaining photography/tech stuff... (That's another reason I dance!)

"Pacing frantically back and forth, I came up with PLAN B.  I would use my Canon 580EX flash off-camera to light Lindsey. Brilliant!  Except that I had no remote trigger for the 580EX – so here’s how it would go down:  I would put the camera on 10 sec. self-timer.  Then I would fire the shutter, sprint 50 yards to Lindsey while she was counting down.  Fire the flash manually pointed directly at her at the split-second apex of her jump, and run back to check the image, make any mental adjustments to my flash position, fire the next shutter, and sprint another 50 yards to do it all again.... A half hour later, we were thanking God neither of us had twisted ankles or herniated discs, and that we’d had the privilege of doing something very few have done – dancing with the Perigree Super Moon."

Desires of Our Hearts: What To Do With Them?

"The only fatal error is to pretend that we have found the life we prize. To mistake the water hole for the sea. To settle for the same old thing." ~John Eldridge from Journey to Desire

I have been going through Journey to Desire by John Eldridge. In the book, he deals with what to do with the desires of our hearts in our lives. Do we bury dreams or chase them? Since we live in a fallen world, our dreams are harder to completely obtain, and many times we do without reaching our fullest dreams. Our hearts ache and yearn for something, and that something is called more. We were created for wholeness but since The Fall when we lost Eden, we cannot reach that wholeness here on earth. Yet our God as He loves us still beckons us to push for our goals, to reach for the desires of our hearts while being in His will.

In the book, Eldridge asks over and over again "Do we dare?"... In a life that seems to continuously disappoint us when our dreams aren't reached, how do we cope? Let's face it: people let us down. We get injured. A relationship is broken off. Death happens. We don't get the job... When we're on the road to chasing dreams but obstacles keep standing in the way or slowing us down, how do we handle ourselves? Do we still dare to dream? Do we dare to trust and chase? Do we dare keep our hearts alive?
Personally, I've had dreams that have been knocked down and shaken, and it's a dare to keep dreams alive when the outcome isn't certain. It's a dare to walk the unknown journey.

To kill desire and to cease dreaming is like killing our hearts, which is not what our God wants for us. He is a passionate God who created us to live out passionate lives. He created us to desire wholeness, which is part of the beauty of His saving love, as we can never fully attain that wholeness without being with Him... We will never gain that 100% wholeness here on this earth since it is a fallen world. Greater things are coming when we're face to face with our Lord, which gives us hope. Yet here on this earth in this time, we must still hold on to dreams.

Eldridge posts something by Langston Hughes within the book's pages:

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. ("Dreams")

Keep your heart alive. Allow yourself the boldness to chase after the desires of your heart. Dare to dream.... and read Journey to Desire by John Eldridge. :)

Superhuman or Curse? Dealing With Sensory Processing Disorders

Ready to dive into a mystery of the brain and five senses? Below are a few questions to ask yourself. Do you know anyone experiencing these characteristics, including yourself?

-Feelings of being overwhelmed by the visual (such as flashing lights) or auditory stimuli? This
 overwhelmed feeling can be as dramatic as thoughts of sheer panic.
-Easily startled by loud noises, "shut down", or become very nervous in settings where loud music is      
 constant or loud talking is present?
-Extremely sensitive to textures or touch? (Do seams of socks bother you? Do some fabrics simply drive
 you crazy?)
-Trouble sleeping after being on the computer or watching TV?
-Unrelated to hormonal changes, are you hot or cold when others seem comfortable?
-Tolerance to Pain?
-Ability to smell something before others can?
-Incredibly in tune or seemingly unaware to bodily needs? (Such as, frankly, needing to urinate or    
 frequent hunger, or lack thereof?)
-Easily Distracted?
-Can't be still and need to always be moving?
-Been labeled as "unsocial" or misunderstood because you tend to withdraw socially?

If you answered yes to any of these, read on. You are not alone: it could be very well a Sensory Processing Disorder, a condition in which the brain does not organize signals from the senses into appropriate responses. This is why certain sounds, smells, visual stimuli (such as flashing lights), textures, etc. can range from unbearable to a mere annoyance. Sometimes persons with an SPD only experiences 1 of the 5 sensory effects, such as they only experience sensitivity to sound while all other senses are normal.  Sometimes the brain takes in information about the hazard of signals and misfires, which is why the person's "fight or flight" reaction can be heightened to unreasonable actions. This is why it can be easy to startle a person with an SPD by simply tapping them on the shoulder. Senses can either be hypersenstive or hyposensitive. Sensory Processing Disorders are most commonly diagnosed in children, but adults can also suffer with symptoms. Sometimes it is "hidden" and goes undetected, and labeled as "quirky" or, sadly, wrongly diagnosed. Yet when proper treatment has been given, these adults are completely functioning but they may occasionally feel the annoyances these symptoms can exude.

I am a functioning and "normal" adult, though I myself occasionally experience some hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity pertaining to the senses that causes some annoyance, rather than trauma or disability. While I haven't been diagnosed by doctors, as my symptoms are mild and not very dramatic, I know how the sensations from an SPD can cause feelings of insecurity. As a child, I frequently felt overwhelmed at parties or other areas where loud talking or loud music was present. As a teenager, I found myself emotionally shutting down after prolonged exposure to auditory stimuli. Also, my friends found my startled over-reaction and devastation entertaining if they hid behind doors and jumped out to scare me. (Comical, I'll admit.) People have also been surprised at my high tolerance to physical pain. In the end, I have learned to cope with these hyposensitivities and hypersensitivities. It is normal to me.
Learning to cope also meant learning the value of recharging in periodic isolation. Finding value in being quiet and still meant discovering the ability to be stronger in public. However, even today, if I'm exposed in really loud settings for a long period of time, I "zone out" or become increasingly nervous and have a hard time carrying on conversation. While it's a little quirky, I know I'm not socially awkward.  It's just my nerves have become overloaded and it's time to take a rest to recharge the "emotional batteries".

If you or someone you know has an SPD, there is value in finding comfort in occasional peaceful solitude. You need it to recharge, and don't let others condemn you for being "unsocial". Even Jesus Himself sought solitude. "... and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray." Luke 5:15-16 

Just don't stay in solitude for too long. :)